I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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