And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
