I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
