Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
