I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
birth control should be required to get into college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
