How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
