On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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