hell yes lets make some ravioli
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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