3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
