and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
