it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
