If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
