hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
