ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
