i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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