Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
