In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
