I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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