Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
