he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
