Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
