they need to just BURY HIM!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
