I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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