Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
