Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have to summon your inner elephant
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
