Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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