How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
