I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
