2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
