im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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