Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
