yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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