Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
