I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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