how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
