I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
