Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
