The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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