Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
