Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
