I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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