my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
