Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
