My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
