I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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