I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
