Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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