He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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