I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
