You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
