I accidentally burped into my bong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
