im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
