and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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