You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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